Monday Chat-Up - Presh Shares More Marriage Secrets

Hey PAI readers! How was your weekend? How did you spend it? It was an awesome weekend and was glad it went well. Let’s not forget, the first to comment get a call card voucher all to yourself…

During last week chat up, I promised to visit the issue of what it takes for marriages to be successful on today’s episode. So in the line of the above subject, let me share some secrete stories to a blossoming home.

Dirty socks littered, Toothpaste caps on top of the sink, toilet seat littered with splash of urine and at same time not flushed …Guys all these little habits make our spouses crazy. But hey, no two people are ever truly compatible, so quit nitpicking each other, relationship.

Our interpersonal skills help us greatly in having a good relationship with people around us.

Long-lasting, happy marriages have more than great communication by the people involved. Most relationship expert

fails to tell their audience that irreconcilable differences are normal, and that you just have to come to terms with them, rather than try to resolve the unresolvable.

You must be nice to your partner, make small gestures, but endeavor to make them often because "little things matter". 

Happy marriage is based on deep friendship, knowing each other well, having mutual respect, knowing when it makes sense to try to work out an issue, when it is not solvable as many kinds of issues simply aren't solvable I tell you.

Yeah, don’t raise an eyebrow over the issues that cannot be solvable. Lets not deceive ourselves, there are issues we cannot resolve despite how much time you dedicate discussing on how to resolve it successfully. Hey, there are needs for us to learn to live with things we cannot resolve, by putting up with it because all you do is waste your breath and get angry over these things that can't be changed. I think such situation is better off not trying to change them, rather work around them and commit to staying together, even though this is something you don't like my friends… lol.

Another secret to a booming long-lasting, happy marriage is about knowing your partner, being supportive, and being nice.

Research shows that, for every one negative thing you do, there must be five positive things that balance it out. Is that not welcoming?!!! Yeah, it is o and as such endeavor to balance the negatives with positives so that your marriage will be heavily in favor of the positives.

I think couples must stay in touch with their special ways of repairing the relationship. It can be humor; it can be whatever helps draw-out the escalating heat. Great couples willing to make their marriages work naturally do this.

Another secret is respecting your spouse, despite your age difference in the case where the female is most senior between the two, or in a case where the female brings more income into the home than the male. Your attitude toward your spouse plays out over the long haul. Couples that have good marriages retain their mutual respect and understanding of each other even during discussions when they have different views.

It’s been observed that men in good relationships don't react emotionally during conflicts rather dudes in bad relationships are more likely to withdraw from the discussion despite how important. You might see them leave the room, look at the ceiling, or tune out the conversation in any possible way they can find. Girls/wives in negative relationships also get deep-seated in their particular viewpoint and ultimately feel greater anger and contempt.

Most importantly, for a happy marriage, we have to be committed to seeing our partner's perspective by having a willingness to understand each other, make changes in you, and find some method to get out of negative communication patterns because negativity escalates eish.

Compromise which is necessary in long-term relationship is another secrete I will discuss. This need to be reciprocal because when its one sided, it's uncomfortable for both and not just the one giving in. Let’s remember there are ebbs and flows in relationships. There will be times when you're making the compromises. But there will be other times when your partner is making them. As long as in the long-term things are reciprocal, that's what is important."

Step by Step resolve your issues! Conflict is common, and a healthy dose of conflict is OK! How you deal with it, that's what matters in a happy marriage.  We have to fight fair, stay calm! We can’t be at problem-solving best when we're angry. Its best for us to re-visit the situation when we're not, and we end up getting new perspective of issue and much better way to manage it. But let’s note o, you can't have a conflict over everything. Pick your battles!

Yes, before I end up for today’s chat, here's how to deal with conflict in marriages

Step 1 - Bring it up in a nonthreatening way, Be nice, No name calling

Step 2 - Bring up specific issues or behaviors, rather than personality qualities.

Step 3 - Bring up the specific time, how you felt about it,

Note- Use ‘I’ statements. Instead of ‘You’ ' – Example, 'I'm really bothered when you use the toilet without flushing your wee.  Hey, such statements shows how we feel about a specific behavior, and not ‘Don’t you know your wee smells if not flushed.

Step 4- Try to stay calm. The calmer you are, the more you will be taken seriously, Step 5 -Try to be nonthreatening.

Note 2 - Don't bring up issues at night. Choose the right time and please don’t try it when your partner is tired, hungry, when the kids are all around, or when you've got a deadline at work. Those are not best times at all.

Step 6 - Consider your spouse's point of view, if you want a truly happy marriage.

As I always say to married friends, marriage is a good thing, don’t let anyone rule your home for you both, rather let it be manned by you and your spouse together.  

Value your marriage!

Let your marriage be your most prized possession! .....And SAY NO TO DIVORCE

It’s a long blog read, but I guess its worth it for people that value it!

Digest this as we look forward to blog more on diverse issues about life.

Until next week, when I come your way, #StayLoved #KeepLoving

+Precious Ajunwa 
+Presh Avtadak 
@Precious_Ajunwa